An Update

I've been busy, very busy, so I haven't posted in a few days.

And it's not what you think, well mainly.

I've been working, working, working, at my day job. It was my mum's birthday and I helped organize a party for her. I saw a few clients, nothing grand or really worth writing about, accept one guy asked me if I could get pregnant by giving head, ha, no, but I can get STD/STI's so I shall be using one.

He's got balls.

For a few weeks, I've been talking to another male escort, Matt he shall be called.

We exchange stories about our clients, and sometimes ask each other for advice. Of course there's flirtation, but eh started it I swear.

He says he's pretty good at giving head (I tend to believe him) and he would like my professional opinion on his technique(s). He wont charge me, of course.

I think we could have a lot of fun together, he's very dominant, as am I. I love to be challenged, as I've said before, I can't stand it when a man gives up and let's me do whatever I want, assuming that my constant challenges means that I want to be the boss. I don't.

If I come out on top, I want to have really worked for it. I play hard, and I play dirty as well.

I continuously challenge, and I can keep it up forever, I need a partner that can challenge me back just as much as I can dish it out.

As soon as they give in, I'm bored and then I'm out.

If I can treat a man like a slave and he just takes it and is still infatuated by me, it's going no where and I'm still out. There aint a chance in hell that I'm in.

Although, even if they let me, I don't treat men like slaves, I just can't do it, I feel terrible, I'm a giver, I love to do things for people and I'm extremely independent, I don't like to ask for help.

Weird combo right?

Anyway, back to Matt, do I really want anything more than a professional relationship? (By this I mean we do threesome's together if a client wants a male and female involved.)

I can't decide what I want at the moment.

Striptease

My favourite song to perform a striptease for a client (or anyone really) is Cream by Prince.

I love it, the perfect beat (not to slow or fast) and the sexy lyrics are...perfect!

I love Prince, he has the sexy pirate look and eyeliner, I LOVE a man in eyeliner, they are my weakness.

For a bit of variety, I also like:

Peaches and Cream by 112

&

Xxplosive by Dr. Dre

Some advice for men who see escorts.

If you are a client of an escort, do not start to plan out your future involving them in anything more than a paid encounter. Do not start talking about settling down, about having a family, about them playing any sort of integral role in your life.

You've found an escort you really like, great, if you want to continue seeing her, keep it professional, you can be friends sure, but you still pay her to have sex with you, do not expects anything more.

It's very rare that the two of you will fall in love and live happily ever after. One in a million.

She is paid to like you, you are probably only seeing a very limited side of her personality, you don't know the whole her, and she will be keeping the not so lovable traits of her personality to herself, my point is you don't know the whole of her, probably you don't even know half of her.

Just keep texting me.

Remember the stalker guy?

Well, I just checked my blocked messages folder and he had texted me several times over the past few weeks, and you know what he said in all of them?

"Hi"

That's it. 'Hi'. Clearly he blew his chance with me, does he not get the picture?

I said I would not reply anymore last time, and I haven't even when he's baited me with questions and accusations, I've sometimes wanted to reply, but I have self control, I have not contacted him since I said I wouldn't.

He seems to think if he leaves me alone for a few days that I will change my mind. No, buddy, I wont.

Fact or Racism?

I always remember my year 10 Australian Studies teacher (he was awesome, smart and funny!) making a comment, I don't remember what it was, but one of the students said it was racist, now I know it wasn't a degrading comment, but as students do, they like to stir up the teachers.

The teacher replied by saying something along the lines of "Racism is a generalization of a particular race that is not true, what I said was a fact, as in a large percentage of this race has what I was talking about, it is not unfair to say that." Well he said it much more prettily, but thats the jist of it.

In saying that, I have found that about 70% of the asian clients I've had have become infatuated with me, they think there's more to our relationship than there actually is. Where as the Australian clients know it's a professional relationship and don't kid themselves that we can ever be anything more than strictly friends, and I doubt we will ever be close friends, it will always stay at a professional friendship.

Joking about kidnapping, really?

So, Scribbles sent me yet another email, he jokes about kidnapping me so he can have me all to his self and asks me for hints about how to do it.

Ha, I could totally kick your ass if you even tried. Yes, maybe I am a little arrogant, but he's a pussy, I could.

He tells me he's falling in love with me, that I'm his number one priority, that his dream is  that we can be together forever for real.

I'm flattered, but this still kinda gets under my skin. He doesn't even know me, well only the parts that I've let him see which is hardly any of my true self. I like a man that can challenge me (and loves to) as much as I challenge, that I can seduce, but not wrap around my finger.

Your just a little over-bearing.

I told one of my regulars, I'll call him Scribbles from now on (read this post to find out why), that I can't see him this weekend because I'm to busy, in reality I just didn't want to and I wanted a knew john for this Saturday night, change things up a bit, you know?

Well, he told me he feels empty because it's sunk in that he wont be able to see me until next weekend. Yes, he actually used the word 'empty'.

He just emailed me and said he's going out with his friends to get drunk because he thinks he can't sleep because he can't see me tomorrow night.

He heard some news the other day about some natural disaster warning in my city and got worried about me.

I always reply to his email with a few hours, and he says to me 'Where have you been hiding, young lady?'. I have know fucken idea what he's on about most of the time.

We're laying in bed together and he's really close to my face, and he randomly says 'Hi' to me, he tell's me how much he likes me and that he's falling in love with me, he tell's me about how my eyes are so gorgeous and about how I should be a model, to which I reply (every time) that I have know interest in doing that. He gives me financial advice about other businessy things I'm doing and warns me about all the risks, which of course I know all about, he's so cautious about everything, some times you just have to do it.

He worries about me regularly.

I have started to put some more professional restrictions on our time together, and I know this just causes him to chase more, but I will keep him in check.

Anyway, he always loves being told what to do.

The joys of Urban Dictionary.

Haha, check this out.

Labeling Sex

I read this post a little while ago, I love the content of this blog, most of the posts I find interesting and/or amusing.

And this post is very relevant, and I think quite accurate, how could someone else define your sexual status? Not just concerning your virginity, but about the whole lot.

How can we label other peoples sex lives?

A few years ago, I knew a guy, he identified himself as gay and so did everyone else, but he always flirted with me and he definitely checked my out, there was even some sexual tension between us.

I mentioned this to a friend one day, who said "Maybe he's actually bi, but more on the gay side of the scale?"

"There's a scale? How is it measured?"

Which sparked a debate.


I would consider myself to be straight, but that doesn't mean I don't want to be with a woman some times. I wouldn't have a relationship with a woman, but I would certainly sleep with one, does that make me bi? Or maybe I'm just a little bit bi, but who really knows?


Sex is to many things to really define, and you can't generalize it for everyone, it's just to broad a topic, it changes so much everyday, and from country to country and state to state and family to family.

Sex as a possibility is infinite.

Ashamed of your kink(s)?

I picked up a book I haven't read in a while, Kink by Stephanie Clifford-Smith, and started reading it again.

I remember when I bought this, I was 16 I think. I stopped into my local Dymocks Bookstore on the way home from school, I just love to peruse the isles of books, I can spend hours in a bookstore, literally getting lost in my own thoughts or conversations with other patrons.

The title attracted me, does everyone else find there eyes drawn to anything remotely sexual as mine are?

I picked it up and flipped to a random page to read a paragraph, instantly wanting to buy it. I took it to the counter to pay, the middle aged man gave me the slightest curious look. He was probably thinking something along the lines of 'Whats this pretty young girl in her school uniform uniform doing buying a book of this nature?' After reading it, it's nothing exceptionally kinky, really it's just the, dare I say, normal stuff.

Once the transaction was approved, he asked me:
"Would you like a bag so know one..." What? See's what I'm buying? Should I be embarrassed about the contents of this book? The clearly visible title and the picture? It's just a book for fucks sake.


"No thanks, I'll be right." I said quickly, in a calm tone with a polite smile, grabbing the book and receipt and walking out of the store.

I dislike it when people assume I should be embarrassed about something, I am rarely embarrassed, although it's not quite as rare for me to be embarrassing...or so I'm told.

Why are other's embarrassed of me? If anyone should be embarrassed it's me, I mean people aren't thinking "Why are those people with her? What freaks!" Their more thinking "That chick is a bit weird..."

I've always been different, I'm free-spirited.

In the wise words of Dizzee Rascal:

Some people think I'm bonkers
But I just think I'm free
Man, I'm just living my life
There's nothin' crazy 'bout me


Why should I be ashamed of buying a book about kink? I mean, if I bought a menacing looking (faux) leahter whip, yeah maybe I'd get a carry bag, but a book?

Motherhood.

I cannot see myself as a mother. (Check out my previous freak out post about parenting here.)

I do not want to give up my party lifestyle, or the opportunity to have sex anywhere and anytime. I don't want to have a C-Section because I don't want the first thing the baby does in this world is to get high and I don't want natural because I don't want to loosen up, and have to build my keagel strength back up to it's current taughtness.

 I don't want to have to find a baby sitter to look after it before I can go out, I don't want to have to wait until it moves out to be able to have spontaneous kitchen sex again.

Plus, if my highschool child studies class is correct, the kid would be lucky to be alive.

It started out with a mild excitement, I had been talked into this class by my friends, luring me with 'It will be fun!'

It wasn't.

We were to get those fake babies, you know the ones that cry and shit? And you have to use a key to swipe it and it continues to cry until you've found out if it wants a feed, a burp, a nappy change or it just wants to be a jerk and cry for a while. It doesn't even do any of the cute(ish) things that even I'll admit are bearable, like laughing.

It was okay at first, my baby didn't cry for many hours, me and a friend went with them to a second hand shop and bought them some clothes, jeez are those things heavy. I must say, I did rather enjoy the scornful looks from other people when they thought the baby was real, and then the surprise/apologetic look that came after they realized they weren't.

And then came night. I cried to many times to count. I barely slept and I couldn't figure out what the little shit wanted. I was getting a little pissed off.

Then came morning, and school. It was an angel all day, mostly quiet and loving being held by my friends.

Night was back, and it was full of crying. Then school was back, and I was exhausted and he was a perfect little angel AGAIN!

One of my friends, who had also been talked into this class, was having a similar experience, and by the last day we were both delusional from lack of sleep. We laid on the floor in maths and laughed like we were high, I told her about how I was so tired on the way to school that morning that I almost crashed into a parked car when I was going no more than 5k's an hour...Then he wanted to be fed on the way and I had to pull over making me late, then getting out of the car I accidently broke his neck and two of the senior boys stopped to compliment me on my bad mothering and I swore at them and he screamed louder than usual. I was actually doing okay with caring for him up until then, and somehow I managed to break his neck again during the day.

Then we gave them back. What a relief.

I can't imagine what a real mother goes through after doing that. I salute you.

Getting sick at the Playboy Mansion?

I heard about all the reports f 100 people getting sick at the Playboy mansion, well many people got the same symptoms within a couple of days of being there, how do they know it's at the Mansion that they got sick? It could have been one of the other two places they were at, reportedly none of their staff have any of the symptoms. Huh.

Pet Peeves

I have a few, oh clients, how you amuse me.

1. When a john emails me and says 'I really like to (I hope you don't find this offensive, sorry) use my tongue shall we say...sorry' OF COURSE I DON'T FIND THAT OFFENSIVE. JEEZ. Would anyone find that offensive, well actually if a guy came up to me in a bar and said that I'd be like 'Um, okay...bit forward don't you think?' but this is my job, I get all sorts of emails that have many (many) details in them, and they're graphic details. I like it when a john know's this is what he wants from the booking, I'm not sure if all female escorts are like this though, I only talk to male one's so far...

2. When a john emails me and says 'Sorry I haven't contacted you in a while blah blah blah' I get to many emails to notice, in fact I usually have to go back through my inbox to see who you are, especially since so many guys are named Simon or Mark or John etc etc etc.

3. When I get a text from someone saying 'hey how are you?' I'm not here to chat with you mindlessly, get to the point. Or when they text me wanting to catch up and they don't give me any specifics, um like who they are would be nice to know.

Yes, I'm a little pissy, but I just got texts and emails with all this in them in the last hour.

Buy my car?

I had this client, average looking man, he'd blend into a crowd, but that doesn't really matter. He wanted a specific fantasy, he sent me an email that he'd clearly copied and pasted out of a word document.

I got to his house, dressed in an extremely short black business-like skirt, white button up top, stay up stockings and high heels, my lips were a bright shade of red and my hair was in a messy chignon.

I knocked. He answered.

"Is this Mr. X? Selling the Audi R8?" I love R8's, they are the only sports car I've seen that look amazing in white, they are yum.

"Yes. Lacey?" I nodded in response. "Come in."

I followed him through to the garage to check out his car, it's a little out of my price range but that doesn't matter in a role play. We talked about it, he was impressed at my knowledge of cars. I'm a car girl, I often spend hours cleaning my car on a Sunday afternoon, I love it, there's nothing better to do, it's relaxing and very enjoyable. I clean every inch of it, dry it with a ShamWow (yes, they're a little lame but they are actually very awesome for cleaning cars) and then every few weeks I polish her, my baby. Anyway back to the details...I had been teasing and 'accidentally' touching him throughout our conversation.

I lent over the bonnet of the car to point something out and my tiny skirt came up to reveal no underwear, he came up behind me and I could feel his hard on pressed against my pussy through his jeans. He ran his hands up my thigh and did little circles on my ass and hips, he pressed against me harder and brought one hand up to caress my breast.

He bent down on his knees and started to lightly lick my pussy, I moaned. Before I knew it he was sticking his rather large tongue into me, it's the best head I've got from a client so far. He stood up and unzipped his pants, I shot him a dirty look over my shoulder.

He put the head of his cock against my pussy and pushed the nob in, I gasped and tried to pull away.

"Please sir, I'm just hear to look at the car."

"Don't lie you little slut, I know you want it."

"Please, just let me go."

"No, I know you want me to fuck you hard, your pussy is begging for it, it's dripping wet." And with that he pushed into me, I let out a loud moan.

"No, stop, please." He fucked me harder, secretly I was enjoying myself.

"Your a tight little slut, does my hard cock feel good?"

"Uuuhhhh, yes, YES! Fuck me harder."

And he did.

Courtesans

I love this photo taken by The Las Vegas Courtesan.

Love = Chain Mail?

So, there's this john.

He's had a couple of bookings and we've spent about six hours together. He says he's falling in love with me.

He only knows a few sides of me (my friendly/confident, humourous and sexual side which I choose to show, I like to keep the rest to my personal life), he's nice, but I'm only there because he's paying me.

He seems to like it that I don't agree with everything he says just because (again) he's paying me. He is submissive and I'm naturally dominant, although I love to be made to be the submissive one. He likes that I can wrap him around my finger and still be kind.

And all this equals? He's started forwarding me on 'funny' chain mail. What the fuck?


I don't like chain mail, I don't forward it on, and I must have died a hundred times and be cursed for life for doing so. Chain mail is bullshit. BUT there has been a couple I have laughed at over the years, a rare occasion indeed.

Is sending chain mail a new sign of friendship? Or is this how he now tell people we are interested in them?

What the fuck is life coming to?

Email Me.

When I started, I thought that the most popular time to do bookings would be the weekends and my inbox would be busiest during that time. But no.

The start of the week (Monday or Tuesday to Thursday) is when I receive the most requests, weekend emails are rare, and they are usually from johns I've already made appointments with who just want to ask another question etc etc.

I put this down to the johns having the time at work to look for some fun, when their away from the misses. Some guys straight up say 'I can only do it on X at X time because my girlfriend/wife is away then.' While others don't mention them or are much more subtle.

Do I feel bad about cheating with these men? No.

If it was some guy in a bar, yes I would and if I knew I wouldn't do it, but somehow this is different. This is professional.

Then I start to think, in 20 years if I'm married or in a long term relationship and we had agreed on a monogamous one, I wouldn't be okay for him to see a hooker. Hypocritical much?

Parking Fines.

Today, whilst I was with a client (same old, same old, not need for details) at a lovely, high end hotel in the city, I got a parking fine.

'Stopping where a no stopping sign applies' was the description.

What the fuck?

I specifically read the sign, and it was after the time on in, which means you can stop there as long as you want (well until the morning when the time starts again). I did no wrong.

I hope you know City Council, I will be disputing this and there is no way that I will be paying it. And if you try to make me I'll just use the 'Get Out of Parking Fines' card that my mothers accountant uses. His excuse is legal by the way.

It's not even the money (it is only fifty eight bucks after all), it's the principal, I did no wrong so I'm NOT paying.

Suck on that Council.

Love. (part two)

As promised, here are the dirty details from my last post.

He always strips down to his underwear as soon as I arrive, tonight was no different. The was a movie on the tv (Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium), I took off my clothes and offered him a massage.

"Just tell me what to do, I'll do anything for you beautiful." He actually would, so far he's caught a flight here every weekend since our first 'date'.

I massage his back firmly, after a few minutes he starts to stroke my leg, he turns over and I kiss him. He kisses like he's trying to scoop a lot of ice cream out of my mouth, his tongue's to rigid, then he moves into the worm which makes me want to bite him, but I resist the urge.

He has a small cock. Fuck, I didn't bring the small condoms, regulars are just a little bit slippery...


I start to touch and tease his cock with one hand, and then kiss down his body. I slip a regular condom on, it fits okay, but it tends to start rolling back up. I tease his knob with my lips and tongue and start stroking up his length.

He tells me he can't take anymore and rolls me over and kisses my thighs, he's always over eager with the pressure of his tongue and I have to remind him to be gentle.

He applies to much pressure to my clit, I tell him I love to be teased with a gentle tongue. I move my hips around to encourage him...well not really, I try to keep my clit away from his harsh tongue, moving from side to side and up and down moaning a little.

He's using his tongue like a toddler who's scribbling randomly with a coloured pencil.

He fucks me doggy style up against the headboard, I can tell he's trying to hold back from coming. I'm getting a little bored, I have to remind myself not to watch the movie out the corner of my eye in case he sees.

"Come in me!" I mutter between a few moans. He obliges.

He thrusts a slowly and then withdraws, holding the condom. We lay together a little, then he gets up and has a quick shower while I clean myself up and get dressed. He wanted to go to the cinema.

We walked around the corner and bought our tickets to Tamara Drewe. He tells me I'm strange but that's what he loves about me because I don't have anything from the candy bar. I never do these days, I barely even notice I'm eating it when I'm watching the movie so why don't I have it some other time when I can actually savour it. Plus they don't offer many vegan treats.

The cinema is pretty empty so I can put my feet against the back of the chair in front of me, he starts stroking my leg a bit into the movie and moves his hand ever closer... I'm glad it's dark, otherwise it would be so obvious I'm a hooker, people wouldn't think a girl like me would be with him.

This intimacy he feels freaks me out, he seems to think it's real.

In the elevator back at the hotel, a bride and groom get in with all their friends crowding around taking photos of them going up to the room, their so happy and she looks beautiful. We talk with them and another couple who get off on the same floor.

In the room, he offers me a massage, which he's surprisingly good at. Followed up with a bit of mutual oral, me on top. It's harder to keep his tongue away from my clit in this position, so I start sucking him hard and fast, he comes quickly and takes off the condom spilling a little cum on his stomach, I grab a towel to clean him off a little and lay there for what I think is an acceptable time then hop in the shower.

I sit down on the bed and moisturize my legs and he talks about the holiday he wants to take me on in a few months. I am enthusiastic towards him, although I'm not getting my hopes up. I'd love to go, but it would be a professional holiday for me and who knows what will happen before then.

I kiss him goodbye and leave him naked on the bed.

When I get back to my car I found I got a parking ticket. Fuck this, the sign says I'm allowed to park here.

Love.

So, I just got back from an appointment with a regular.

He says he's falling in love with me.

We've only spent about 5 hours together...

At least he doesn't expect me to reflect any feelings. I know why I find this slightly...strange?

I take a long time to open up to people, like there's people I've known for years and they still don't know me properly. I am always there for them, but when I need someone, I don't let anyone near me. And he can just say he was feelings for me so easily?

I shall write up some dirty details about this booking tomorrow, right now I just want to eat my soy vanilla icecream.

Anyone for some sex slavery?

A few days ago I received this email:

Hello Buddy,
    Was Sufferi8ng for an Escort and came across you profile,got interested in hirring you...am groom from Spain a Business Woman...am inUK for just three week on busines trip....am in need of your Service for hot romance,massage and sex...i will be offering you $1,000 per day for just two weeks (2) durring my vacation time...so i will like you to get back to me if interested in my Offer,so that we can move on fast...i will be taking care of your necessary documents to come over to meet me alright?
await to read back from you asap !


Suspicious much?


Firstly, that email doesn't even make sense, are they a business woman from Spain? What country are they in actually and where do they want me to go?


Secondly, only $1000 a day? I don't think so, I'm much more than that.


Thirdly, they'll organize my papers? No, that would require them knowing my real name, and I wouldn't trust a stranger to organize my trip to another country. Why don't they just find a hooker there?


Fourthly, they didn't even leave a name...


But, ever the polite girl, I replied:


Hey, I'm not interested, thank you for the offer though. xx.


I just got this email back from them:


I'll like to have you inform that am very serious about my offer and i will like to know if you agree to come with me down to Nigeria ( west Africa ) and to my price ( 900$ ) per day...? I will take care of your Necessary documents to come with me....and Our hotel accommodation down here...i promise you a better time together!
More so........i will like to know if you have a Valid passport or not? so that i can link you up to my Traveling Agent to help us about your necessary documents and we can move on fast...she's very reliable cause i've been working with her quite a long time now...so u don't have to worry about your papers....she can help us fast about that.......just get back to me in time ok?  this is her mail u can mail her here X@email.com


Yeah, that makes even more sense than the first one.


So now they want me to go to Nigeria do they? And they dropped the price...


And yes I changed the travel agents email address, but it was something random from a popular free email service.


Yes, doing this would be a very safe and enjoyable idea. No thanks. Do they think I'm stupid?

FCKH8

Haha, I LOVE this!

Sometimes (like everyone I guess) I have wondered if I was bi, I'm still not sure if I am, I don't want a relationship with a women but there have been some I'd fuck and still want to, the lines are to blurry to tell.

Nevertheless, whatever I am, I support gay rights. If two people love each other does it matter what parts they have?

And how does two people of the same gender getting married or having a relationship effect anyone else? Those people that oppose it are just idiots, other people getting married is none of their business and it doesn't effect their lives in anyway.

Haters are making it apart of their lives, if they have a problem with it, then don't pay attention to it. Simple as that.

Cybersex.

I received this email just now:

you can call me john... i in malaysia... i like to do siber sex... do you do that


I only take cash, how on earth would I do that? And there's no way I'd do this for free.

On a side note, I've had two guys tell me there so good in bed that some girls don't charge them. One of them I reckon is a complete time waster (blah blah blah you don't need to know the details, he may get off on dirty emails and thats all he wants though, he assumes he knows exactly what I like in bed. He seems like a douche).

Is there really girls out there that don't charge the guys because they come? If I end up coming then I take it as a bonus, but I wouldn't do it for free if it's with a client. Or are these guys just trying to get me to give them a freebie? If they want that they can go to a club and find a chick, I aint free mate.

Happy Valentines Day.

Well, I was reminded by a regular of mine that I started this on the 14th of January (whoring that is), so not only is today Valentines Day, but it's also my one month whoring anniversary. How could I forget?

I'm not really the big romantic gesture type, I like simple, random things done for me that are actually something I want, not just a story that everyone 'aws' at, I like something practical, or something dirty, yes something dirty sounds great.

Although, I would accept this card.

Gone GaGa?

One of my regulars has started calling me his 'Lady GaGa' and I have know idea why.

He was calling me down to earth, real and sweet, as far as I know thats not at all Lady GaGa-esque.

Now, I do love a little Gaga, not so much her music even though I always end up singing and grooving to it, it's just so damn catchy! She's an individual and I like that, but I still don't see the resemblance between her and myself.

My dirty little secret...

I'm sure I don't need to say this again, but I enjoy this job. I love it.

I love walking through a public place after, with my sex hair and my sexy clothes on and having men check me out, I'm sure more than the usual amount do. Can they tell I'm an escort? Or do they just know I got laid?

I love daring them to say something to me with my eyes, I love seeing the 'client' type man lust after me in public and thinking: You could have me anyway you want...If you could afford me.


It's such a turn on for me, I find that with some clients when I need a little extra kick to get through it, I smile to myself (whilst looking at him, he has no idea what it's really about) and in my head I'm saying something along these lines: I'm a whore, a dirty little whore, he wants me so bad he's willing to pay to have me, I'm accepting money for my body, etc etc etc


You get the picture?

And I love it.

No.

Saturday night I had two bookings, the first one was sweet, the second...not so sweet.

I arrived outside the hotel, one I will not be visiting again due to it's crappy nature and location of security. He had told me to give him a missed call when I was outside, so I did. I went through my phone wile I was waiting and got distracted by a text from the mum. I didn't notice this at the time, but I wasn't nervous like I usually am before a booking, I was a little cocky from my previous appointment.

"Lacey?"

"Huh, yeah?" I was more replying to a question and that he was talking to me then saying that I was she. I am still getting used to being called by a different name.


Oh right! The client, gee he has beautiful eyes, big brown puppy dog eyes, he's actually kinda cute, and fit. Why's he hiring me?


I followed him inside to the elevator, walking behind him while on my phone, the security guards were right there, I could see them looking at me through the corner of my eye, I pretended to text on my phone and didn't look back, I kept moving.


Do they know I'm a hooker and he hired me or are they just checking me out?


I greeted him properly once the elevator doors closed, we exchanged pleasantries and then there was a slithly awkward silence. The silence you get when a client feels guilty for hiring you or like your judging him for doing it, I'm a fucking hooker why would I be judging you?

It took him a couple of tries to get the key into the lock (yeah this place was so old they still used keys!), he was trying to put it in upside down.


Should I point that out? He's clearly trying to stop his hands from shaking.


He offered me drinks and food in the room, I politely declined and excused myself to the bathroom.

I sat down on the bed and petted the spot next to me for him to join me, he took all his clothes off and sat down.

Hmmm, usually they actually want to pretend we're together a little, even if they want it porn star style. Whatever.


I stood up and striped to my bra and panties, we kissed. He was an absolutely terrible kisser, he was kissing me with his teeth not his lips and he sucked harder than a vacuum cleaner, it hurt. I tried to move into a few different positions to get him to ease up a little, but he didn't even with me on top.

He wrapped his legs around me like he was a baby.

"Can we try some sex positions?" He asked. It's been like two minutes, can I go through with this?


We sat up.

I can't just have sex with him right now, he's not small it will hurt. This is making me uncomfortable, how can I get out of here?


"I drank a lot of water, I'm just going to the bathroom again." I locked the door after me.

Fuck. What am I going to do? I need to get out of here, I am not going to do this. I will feel terrible about myself if I do. I can't, and I know it.


I looked at myself in the mirror and ran my hands through my hair.

Fuck, I have to leave, now. I'll just go out there and say 'Look, I'm really sorry but I'm not feeling a connection, I'll refund you all your money, sorry I have to leave.' He seemed aggressive, what if he gets angry? I have to risk it, I will be fine. I've still gotta get dressed, if he gets pissed off how quickly can I get out of here?


I walked out of the bathroom, I clearly had a worried look on my face because he asked:

"What's wrong?"

"I'm really sorry about this, but I got my period, I can't do this, sorry, I'll refund you everything. I have to leave." Fuck why did I say that? I'm pretty sure I told him I actually had it last week, fuck fuck fuck.


"Oh." He looked at me as I quickly put my clothes on and held my legs together. "Remember you told me you had it last week?"

Shit. I replied seamlessly "Yeah, I've only been vegan for a few months and it's gone crazy, I'm really sorry." Not great for promoting the vegan lifestyle but I don't give a shit at the moment. I put the money down on the table and collected the last of my things.

"Just one more passionate kiss?" Fuck, thats why I'm leaving jerk. But I kissed him briefly. "Come on a proper one." He sounded a little aggravated, I don't he believed me but I didn't care at that moment, I kissed him once more, trying to hold him back a little, then I pulled away. My lips actually hurt after only a few minutes. I couldn't do that to myself. He wanted to walk me out, I stayed a little away from him.

I parked just around the corner, under a streetlight, I couldn't here him following me but I know he's looking. As I turned the corner I looked back and waved and smiled a little. He was still at the entrance.

I got in my car and locked the door, I waited for the car coming down the street to go around the corner, and I followed it out directly behind it.

It's to dark for him to see this is my car and he's to far away to see the number plate anyway. I'm safe.

So that was my first real scare, it taught me a lesson, listen to my fucken instincts! They would have told me if only I had listened. I'm very lucky that this turned out the way it did and it wasn't an actual bad experience, just an uncomfortable one, it will keep me more aware in the future.

Still, I'm proud of myself for having the self confidence to walk out of there when I felt uncomfortable.

He emailed and texted me today, wanting to catch up. Which is why I should have said I didn't feel a connection then he would have left me alone, or who know's maybe my instincts made me not say it and he didn't have a very angry reaction, because the period excuse came out without me even thinking. It just happened. Whatever it was, I am relieved of the outcome, but I don't want to just ignore him, I need to say I don't want to see him. But how to tell him?

A Great Client.

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Ca$h

I love having cash in my purse.

You used to hear me say on occasion:

"Money? Who carries that anymore, everythings electronic nowadays"

Which for my generation is pretty much true, I forgot what it was like to have cash in my purse, also I never had this much of it in there.

When people see how much actual cash I have (strangers I mean) do they wonder if I'm a hooker?

I hope so.

Although, I never actually want anyone to find out about this, I like the risk, it excites me. I love having this dirty secret.

Family

I have clients who tell me all about their family, usually they don't mention the wife but you know he has one.

My first overnighter, told me all about his daughter wanting to become a photographer and about her schooling and everything he could think of virtually. He seemed like such a proud father, and I can only imagine what she would say if she found out he was seeing an escort.

Would I be okay if I found out that my dad was?

I don't know, it may depend on the girl herself and what she's like, but I can't imagine he would see one, then again I don't think his daughter would think he was doing this with me either.

At the start, I happened to notice his gold wedding ring, then later I looked down and it was gone.

Does it bother me that I see married men?

No.

What does bother me though is one day I want to be with one man, now I don't know if it would be strictly monogamous, but lets just say it is. If he saw someone else behind my back, it's cheating. Will I be able to trust him after what I've seen in this business? There's so much more to this, but that will have to be for another time.

Overnight

I had my first overnight booking last night, I must say usually I like the shorter bookings instead of the several hour ones, but I actually did enjoy it. I don't like the 'mid-ground' I like to pick a side, both sides, but not at the same time. If you get that?

He was a cute asian business man who smiled a lot and had very nice teeth (I like clean teeth, good dental hygiene is a must for me), he also had a tiny dick. So small that when I was giving him a handjob it didn't even poke out the other side of my hand, it was more like a tickle, which he seems to like more anyway.

He wanted to kiss a lot, like we must have spent at least 3 hours kissing, probably more. He was a terrible kisser. He kept sucking my lip into his mouth like he was a breast-feeding baby, not very hot, and when he did the top one I couldn't breathe properly and had to keep moving around just to get some oxygen into me. That was not as bad however as what he did with his tongue. Where the hell did guys hear that women like their teeth to licked? That's not how I go about keeping my teeth clean thank you very much.

Then he kept sticking his tongue right out and got it behind my teeth into the middle of my two, top front ones and started licking up and down the little gap like he was trying to find my g-spot.

Which I wish he did when we was down there, He was very gentle with his hands and I was actually a little turned on. However, I pretty much only like it that gentle when I know the guy can be firm and he's just teasing me. Plus I like something in me, preferably a cock. Yes, I love my clit pleasured, but I find it's not as good as something inside of me (any guy who reads this should know that you cannot use this as an excuse to not spend as much time licking your girl out) and it doesn't make me come as hard.

He didn't even want to have intercourse, he mainly wanted to kiss me and then lick my pussy. We were just drifting off to sleep (my bottom lip in his mouth) when he wants me to turn over so he can spoon me. Good I start thinking, I really don't like sleeping so close to someone, especially when my face is only an inch away from there's I like my space.

We laid there for a while, then he starts rubbing his cock against my ass, I'm hoping at this stage he doesn't want to penetrate me since I don't have a condom anywhere near small enough. Luckily he doesn't, he just kinda slid his cock between my cheeks and legs and we moved together for a while then he came all over my leg.

Since we were at a hotel, I just wiped it off on the sheet and tried to get to sleep, whilst slowly inching away from him. I only ended up with a few hours sleep since he was checking out early to drive interstate.

Easiest few grand I ever made.

Presents

I love presents! But who doesn't?

A regular bought me not one, but two today :)

He got me a couple of bottles of perfume, nice one's two.

I thanked him profusely, and he told me I deserved it with a wink.

When I got home and opened the boxes to smell them, the one he pointed out as his favourite makes me think of hookers, I laughed at the irony.

Opposites

The two clients I had today were complete opposites, the first one just wants the sex, he wants to get right two it and not waste any time talking, the second one wants to get very emotionally intimate, he wants to get to know me. (gulp)

I also have an opposite reaction to them, the first I find I am not myself and the second I find I do not want to be myself.

To much intimacy makes me uncomfortable, plus the second one asks me what I did today and am going to do (fyi I'm going to fuck other guys for money), but he would be very uncomfortable if I told him the truth, I made a few references to my job and he didn't like to hear them, not that he said it, so why does he insist on asking me these questions he doesn't want the answer to?

Needs

T, who I have previously written about here, texted me again today, he is a very insecure man.

He keeps saying 'if you want to see me again', and yes well it's nice that he wants to make sure I'm comfortable to, but he only needs to ask once, not, oh lets say, almost a dozen times.

I like a man to be considerate, but not wimpy, I've said previously how this emotional neediness makes me squirm a little. I'm very private about my emotions towards people, I'm not withdrawn as such, I just don't like to be as close to people as they do to me.

This makes me nervous, although I never show nerves, I can fake confidence until I actually get it. It also seems to cause men to chase me, and become a little clingy. I would never say this out loud, but here in the anonymous blogosphere, I am admitting it, although I still feel like I'm bragging. I'm not, I swear, it just happens.

Parenthood?

Whaaaaaat?! No way man.

I just got an email that read:

Don't worry, I will give you plenty of notice, just in case you have another job or need to find a babysitter.


What. The. Fuck.

Just no.

I'm 18, and yes this industry is a little shady and may attract the sorts of girls that have teen pregnancies, but thats not me, I'm Miss Protection. I don't mean to offend anyone out there in their teens who's pregnant, a friend of mine is a little younger than me and she has a baby, and she's a good mother, but thats just not me.

This reminds me of an incident back in highschool.

I was sitting in a computer class looking as a list of baby names, (I was doing child studies and we had to have theo stupid fake babies, I don't know why I let my friends talk me into that class, it was HELL!), when the girl next to me saw what was on my screen she asked

"Are you pregnant?" and she was serious. I was 16 at the time.

I freaked out a little and explained.

Let me tell you, I've never been much of a baby person myself. I don't think their all that cute, and I was always the girl at the back standing awkwardly when everyone else was crowded around the baby in the pram. Sure, I'll coo and ah over a puppy, but a baby? I just don't see what's so cute about them.

I've even faked the 'Aww she/he's gorgeous!' because you can't say to a new mother 'I'm not a baby person' because the thoughts in their head go something like this:

What? Your not a baby person?


What? You don't like my baby?


How could you not like my baby? It's the cutest thing in the world!


You see my conundrum. Never insult a new mother or her baby. I even faked it over my nephew, they made me hold him and took a picture of it, I handed him back in under a minute. Contrary to my mothers opinion of the photo I was NOT comfortable.

So, no, I don't have a baby and I'm not pregnant. I'm also very aware that one day when I may have a baby, I will think it's the cutest thing in the world and I will be a complete hypocrite. I am something like that scene in the cafe from Sex and the City when Miranda states: 'I don't like any other babies apart from my own.'

Untitled

I feel confused.

I don't know...I don't know.

Doing this job, hey, I like it. I have fun. It's interesting and lucrative.

I get to play the role of someone who is very different from myself, but also very similar, me and the hooker share the same values and ethics, the same core personality, it's just the other details that differ.

When a john just wants to be purely physical, I love that. I feel great, but the ones who want to make an intimate connection, that brings emotion into it. I am not good with being close to people, sure plenty of people are close to me, they trust me, they tell me all their secrets, but they never realize I haven't told them any of mine. I'm a very private person, I don't like to show weakness. I'm always genuinely happy and I want to make everything work out, I'm down to earth and intelligent, kind and honest.

People tell me these things all the time plus much more, almost daily. And I know what they say is true, but I find it hard to accept.

I almost feel like I have to keep this up, that when something upsets me I just have to be okay with it, accept it and move on, but sometimes I want to scream and shout, sometimes I want to be...I want someone to see the not so shiny sides of me. To see me as everything I am, not just all the good stuff.

And then, when I'm feeling a little down, like now, this is what I think. But when I'm my happy self, all this doesn't matter, I can never stay upset, I just don't know how to, if it's not something extreme, I can be back to my normal self with a quarter of an hour, maybe less.

This is me, and I'm happy.

When a client wants to be intimate, and not just physically, I withdraw from them. I tell myself, play the role, this isn't the real you. But the thing is, I am always the real me, whichever me I'm being.

And thats the hard part of being an escort.

Even my phone is discreet

I love how the setting I put my hooker phone on during appointments (so it's still on but doesn't make a sound or vibrate) is called 'Discreet'.

It seems to be playing the role.

Nerves

I was contacted by a lovely asian man a few days ago, he was sweet and very (very) shy. He told me he had a very small penis, and sometimes it didn't join the party due to his nerves, but he wanted to meet up for some company and give me oral and maybe, as he put it 'something might pop up'.

When I told him about getting my period, he was very nice and said we should still meet up anyway, because it was more about the company than anything sexual and suggested that we could meet up after it finished and before he left town for that side of things. Yeah, he's paying me for sex and it's just 'about the company', still he was a sweetie.

I gave him a discounted price, since there wasn't going to be anything sexual and I felt bad about changing the plans. He showered my with adoration for this, I seem to cause infatuation in men.

Let's call him T, is obsessed with a certain pop star, he said that if he's ever in a bad mood just mention her name and he'll cheer right up, since he was so nervous, I suggested we could watch a movie with her in it that way he wouldn't have the pressure of talking.

Before I actually meet a client I get quite nervous, but that vanishes as soon as I say hey. I used to be a shy person, still am actually. Yes, I'm a shy hooker. We talked about this and I eased his nerves a little, not to sound up myself but I have always had a talent for calming people down (especially in person) and getting them to trust me, people I've literally just met a few minutes ago will tell me things they wouldn't tell anyone else. This is an excellent quality to have in this line of business, I use it to my advantage.

Arriving at his door, I took a few deep breathes to stable my nerves, and then knocked. He opened the door with shaking hands, I greeted him with a friendly hug.

We talked for a few minutes, he was still shaking, I could see the corona gittering in his hand. He started to calm down just a little and he suggested we watch a movie. I sat down on the couch and he sat next to me, quite a way away so I moved a little closer, just enough to form a little intimacy, but not to much that I was in his personal space, I held his hand and stroked it with my finger.

He had a couple more coronas during the movie and we ended up hooking up a few times. Then he started to finger me, he wasn't quite skillful, but it wasn't bad either.

He mentioned his ex a few times, they broke up years ago and she still has his dog, he hasn't been with anyone since, and he's definitely still hung up on her. I want to help him get over her, but I think it's to soon to bring anything up, I know a few communication techniques that could get him to a better place, but then it's not really my place to be doing this and if he gets over her he may meet someone else and then not see me again, and I lose a customer, but I feel like I should at least try and help him. It's the right thing to do.

Let me assure you though, something did pop up.

This post seems to lack a little...something, but I don't give a shit, I'm posting it anyway.

Losing it

I lost my virginity to a client the other day. Well my anal virginity.

I thought it would be painful, like losing my other virginity, but no, it was good. Plus the guy had a small dick, he said that not me, in this job I tend not to notice or judge the size of a johns cock. It doesn't bother me in the slightest.

I had my period as I mentioned I got in the previous post, and he was fine with it.

Our plan was originally this:

I would get there and change into a naughty schoolgirl outfit, he really wanted me to get into the role, he stressed this in his email quite a lot and he said he was having difficulty finding a girl who would fulfill it. Lovely man though, he voice sounded a little gay, just as a side note. After I'd changed he wanted me to suck his cock and then some mutual oral, then have me ride him (still in the outfit) and then he wanted to come on my face. I said this was all okay, as long as I could shower after, he could even join me in there if he wanted.
Oh before all this happened he was going to spend a couple hours taking new photos for me, he's a professional photographer and graphic designer for some pretty popular companies, and I was thrilled for him to do this, especially for free and I was even getting paid. Great, is it not?

What really happened:

I arrived, he could not stop calling me gorgeous and touching me all over, complementing my breasts (as many guys do, all natural, my mother blessed me with her hourglass figure and my father with his height), he showed me some of the sorts of shots he would take and then he started to kiss me and talk a little dirty and say how unprofessional all this was. I started to tease him, as I like to do, and then I was sucking his cock. He got a camera out and started filming his cock in my mouth. He took my clothes off and we lay on the floor hooking up. He asked me to get in the schoolgirl outfit, I changed right there in front of him, he loved the skirt and I saw his cock get considerably harder as I put it on.
He had me sit on the couch and tease the camera a little, he asked me I'd like to do anal, I told him I'd love to but I'm an anal virgin, he loved hearing that. I got some lube out my bag and he put a little on my anus and teased it with his finger to loosen me up, then put the tip of his cock to it and slowly pushed it in having me look back at him and tell him to fuck me. He was kind though and made sure it wasn't hurting me, which it wasn't. He started to fuck me, and I must say, I liked it, it wasn't going to get my to come, but every time his cock went over where I had the tampon, the sensation heightened, a vibe would be have been great there.
We continued doing this for a wile, then changed the condom and I sucked him some more and told him about my fantasies and telling him I wanted him to come all over my young body, which he did. And I can tell you, he had a lot of cum.
I washed off and we did the photoshoot with some kissing in between and I blew him again at the end and he came on my tits, I showered, he paid me and then I left.

That night I saw my mum, she showed me all these videos of me as a little girl she had burn't to DVD, I couldn't help but smile at the comparison to the one I made this afternoon.

All in all, I had fun, and I can;t wait to see the pictures...

Stalker

A few posts back, I wrote about a guy who didn't wanna meet but kept texting me, it got to dozens of times a day.

Well he decided to make a booking, and yes against my better judgement I agreed. We were supposed to meet in a public place, but he stopped replying to my texts so we didn't find each other (luckily), the next day he told me his phone went dead, I have know idea if this was true or not, but I'm very glad we didn't meet up, I would hate for him to now what I looked like or the car I drive.

Later that day, he started asking me really personal questions, to which I either didn't reply at all or I told him they were to personal to answer, he definitely crossed the line, then he asked what my real name was. This is completely over, why the fuck would he think I'd actually answer that question?

I replied telling him:

'That crossed my personal line, this is no longer going to work for me.'

I got back:

'I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you.'

Upset? What the fuck? I'm not some emotional, frail wreck. I don't give a shit about it, besides finding it creepy. I told him this, although much nicer, whores need manners.

He tried to go back to a business like persona, telling me he was serious about this just being business and I could trust him. How does the old saying go? Never trust someone who says 'Trust me'?

Needless to say, I have now blocked his number.

Presents

I have my first regular, I see him the same day every week, maybe twice a week if it happens to be a public holiday.

He texted me today:

'I'm in a perfume shop, what's your fav scent?'

What a sweetie. I told him I love anything by Juicy Couture, I don't have any of their scents yet, but I will when I see him next week!

When I said I wouldn't be able to see him this week, he was displeased (period remember?) and begged to be able to see me on Aussie Day (26th January) which I'm hoping I can, and not just for the perfume, for the money as well. I like that he thinks about me when we're not together.

Just talking, not paying.

So, lets call you B, you act like you want an appointment, then something comes up but you keep texting me and  trying to start conversations, and when I don't reply you just text me over and over again until I do, but you don't want to pay me?

Not only are you wasting my credit, your not even paying me! A gentlemen knows not to text his escort for a long conversation because she's a busy girl and her time isn't free.

Period.

I got my period, fuck.

It's early and now I have to cancel a bunch of bookings. Most guys were nice about it, they rescheduled or were okay with it. But some were jerks, this one guy ended up sending me a long email complaining and being a dickhead in general and you know what he said at the end of it? So can we do it the same time next week?

Fuck off, jerk.


Okay, I didn't really say that, I am an escort, I have to be polite at all times, even when I'm being naughty. I actually said something along the lines of 'I do not think this will work out between us, may I recommend Xgirl instead.'

I got called a fake to, and that I was just messing him around. I told this inparticular guy there was no need to be rude to me, these things happen and I am very sorry, then I recommended another escort to him as well.

There was one in particular appointment I was looking forward to though, but C (the guy) said that it was okay and we can still meet and have some fun anyway. Plus he's a photographer and was going to take some new photos for me, instead of the self timer ones I have now. And fun we had, but that's another story for another time.

Cum vs. Moisturizer

You should definitely be checking out this link.

HOORAH!

I just got offered to go away to a great country town for 3 nights, all expenses paid of course!

This town is renowned for it's fantastic food and wine, art galleries and tours, the only problem? My 'socially acceptable life' has commitments during some of those days, what a dilemma...

To do or not to do, that is the question.

This post should probably be titled 'To poo or not to poo, that is the question.' instead.

I haven't been an escort for a week yet and I just got an email that said:

Do you do brown showers?


This doesn't turn me on at all, but...I replied and asked him to give me more details, if he wants me to touch it then no thanks, but if he wants to smear it on himself that fine, I'll do it.

Jeez, I never thought I'd do that, I bet my parents are proud. If they only knew...

The thing is, a guy just asked me to shit on him and I don't care.

As a side note, in my case it would probably be a green shower due to the fact that I'm vegan and eat a lot of veggies and greens...

What's up with that?

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Overflowing

Well, tonights booking is probably cancelled, but oh well, I have so many emails it's hard to reply to them all (which even if I'm not interested I will, because there's no excuse for bad netiquette).

It took 2 days for the ads to start attracting people, I thought I was going to barely get any at all, but it seems I was wrong, there are plenty of johns out there looking for an 18 year old whore.

I'm actually glad tonights booking fell through, I think I need to pamper myself a bit after my first client, plus I only got 6 hours sleep last night, I think I'll give myself a facial using this awesome mud mask, I tell you it really does make my face feel like a babies ass.

It's official...

Yes, ladies and especially gentlemen, it's official, I'm a whore. I was just paid for sex.

I feel like I should feel bad about what I just did, like society says I should feel ashamed, but I don't, I just made the easiest couple of hundred bucks of my life. I feel pretty damn good! (Well a tad sore)

I Google mapped his address so I could find it easily and left early. I pulled my car into a side street just around the corner from his house and saw a cop car sitting up the street. Fuck, is this a sting? Do they even do that in Australia? I can't tell if thats some guys head or just the seat. What am I going to do? This probably isn't advisable but I'll just get the money after.

I wasn't as nervous as I thought I'd be, and since I was early I stood just a few houses down and stretched and psyched myself up. Come one Lacey, your hot and guys would kill to have you, your confident and sexy and enthusiastic. Just go for it, this guy wants you so bad he's paying for you!
I felt marginally better so I walked to his door and knocked.

He doesn't look like to photo he sent me, he looks so much younger, why would he send me that picture? Oh crap, that was the other guy i was emailing...and I just replied to the wrong person, I hope he doesn't cancel tonight...


Karl made me feel much more comfortable, he was professional, he didn't want to stand around and chat he just wanted to do it. Professionalism always eases my nerves, he knew exactly what he wanted so I didn't have to guess.

"To be honest, this is my first booking and I'm a but nervous"

"Really, well thats okay, would you like a drink?"

Within the next few minutes we were hooking up on his bed and the clothes started to come off. Sure he pinched my nipples a little hard sometimes and I felt like he was trying to eat my face but somehow it didn't bother me in the slightest. I thought I'd feel grossed out kissing some strange man, but I was fine, this was just business. He was clean and very polite, I've never been with an uncircumcised man before but I've decided I like it. He kissed me all over and then started fingering me while i rubbed his short but thick cock.

I met this man 10 minutes ago and I have his pre-cum all over my hand, hmmm, I don't give a fuck.


He was ready to get in me so I grabbed a condom and tossed it to him whilst I squeezed some lube out on my hand and rubbed it on my pussy in front of him. He fucks like a jack rabbit, but I actually kinda like that sometimes. He shuddered and came and laid on top of me for a minute whilst still in me so I moved my hips a little, he was still just as hard. Viagra. He rolled off and grabbed some tissues to clean himself up and I offered him a massage so he could recharge. I'm not into the whole 'You can only cum once' thing, he paid for an hour so he can cum as many times as he likes.

I sat on top of him to start the massage. Shit he has the hairiest ass I've ever seen! Hairs actually collecting in his crack. Why don't I feel repulsed? If it were some guy who picked me up I totally would...


He started stroking me leg after 15 minutes (he conveniently had a clock on his beside table) and we went don't on me much longer this time and we fucked again. We talked for a few minutes after and then the hour was up. No cops came in to bust me and I feel pretty good.

When I got home I had so many emails, I couldn't reply fast enough, they just kept on coming in as I was writing them. There's no way I could do this many clients, so I screened a bunch out and made a few more appointments. I will definitely have to buy another pack of condoms (or several) and more lube, cause everybody knows a hooker needs lots of lube in her purse.

So long, I have more emails to reply to and this post went on way longer than I thought it would, plus I need to shower before my next appointment...